Exactly one year ago today we announced to the world that I was pregnant with Emma Joy.
Samuel was four months old at the time. My due date was two weeks before Samuel’s first birthday. Throughout my pregnancy I heard one statement over and over again.
You’re going to have your hands full!
Every time someone would say this, I would smile and nod in agreement. In my head and in my heart I was saying, “not as full as they should be.” See, if all of my babies would have made it we would have a three-year-old, a two-year-old, a one-year-old and an infant. That thought makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. It also helps keep things in perspective when motherhood gets hard.
Emma Joy decided to come three weeks early, so they are one day shy of being exactly eleven months apart. It amazes me that my body endured two pregnancies and two deliveries in such a short period of time. Having back to back pregnancies after two losses and struggles with infertility is a huge endeavor, both physically and emotionally. Nevertheless, I would not have it any other way.
When Samuel was born, I was fully prepared for him to be my only living child. We both knew that we would love more than anything to give him a sibling. We also knew that it was completely out of our hands. Before he was born, we decided that we would start trying for another baby fairly soon. We would give it a year and we would not undergo any fertility treatments. Our mindset was “if it is meant to be, it will be.” I was completely at peace with this. My prayer was one of thanksgiving for what we had and for God’s will for what was next.
Pregnancy symptoms many times mimic PMS symptoms. I knew this all too well. So, when I started having pregnancy symptoms a few weeks after Samuel turned three months old, we both just laughed. I mean, we weren’t even really trying yet, for goodness sake. This seemed like the real deal though, but I did not let Keith know that. I even waited a little longer than usual to take the pregnancy test. When I showed him those two pink lines, the look on his face is one I will never forget. This sweet baby girl brought joy from the moment we knew about her.
People still tell me all the time about how full my hands are, as if I need to be reminded. My days are filled with diapers and bottles and laundry and crying and laughing and chasing and playing and hugging and saying “Mama loves you so much” more times than I can count (they’re going to know that for sure).
Yes, my hands are full. But, oh, you should see my heart. My heart is absolutely overflowing. It is overflowing with so much love for all of my children, those here and those in heaven. It is overflowing with a new love and appreciation for my husband who is the best Daddy these babies could have. It is overflowing with thanksgiving for everything God has done in my life and everything I have overcome through Christ’s strength. It is overflowing with hopes and dreams, some big and some small. I don’t mind my hands being full if it means my heart gets to feel this way.
Until next time, keep hoping!
Pregnancy announcement photo credits – Muggshot Studios