A Beginning

December 12, 2012 – I sit in an all too familiar waiting room again, waiting. I’ve had the ultrasound and the tech confirmed what I already suspected. It looks like a ruptured cyst. It seems like I’ve had more pain in this region of my body than any one person should have to endure. I wait for the doctor.

I wait with the pregnant women. Some are alone. Some are sitting with their significant other, excited because they get to see their baby on the screen today. I’ve known that feeling, briefly. I text a friend and tell her they should have separate waiting rooms for pregnant and non-pregnant ladies at the GYN/OB office. She agrees. I knew she would. She knows the pain.

As I wait I text myself a reminder of all the things I want to ask and say to Dr. P when I see her so that I won’t forget anything. The nurse finally takes me back to the exam room to wait some more. When she comes in, she says there’s a cyst, but it looks normal and she’s not worried. There’s nothing that can be done. I just have to wait it out, more pain. I go down my list of questions and she patiently answers them.

I get to the last thing and start welling up again. I thank her from the depths of my soul for the compassionate care she has provided me over the past seven months. Now her eyes fill with tears. She hugs me and tells me it’s going to get better. She says 2013 is going to be my year. Then the words that stick with me…

“Don’t give up hope. Your parents named you that for a reason. You live up to your name.”

Hope. What is that anyway? Merriam-Webster provides the following definitions:

·         To cherish a desire with anticipation;

·         To desire with expectation of attainment; and

·         To expect with confidence.

The name Hope is of English origin, first used by the Puritans in the 17th century (www.behindthename.com). It means expectation or belief and is one of the three qualities described in I Corinthians 13:13 (www.thinkbabynames.com). According to Baby Center, the name Hope was ranked #268 in the US the year I was born.

I’ve always viewed my name as quite plain, but Dr. P’s words, “You live up to your name,” have had me thinking…a lot. Her words that day issued a challenge to me

The year of 2012 began as the most exciting year of my life. Five months in it quickly turned into the worst of my 34 years on this earth. There will be more about that in posts to come. I am determined to make 2013, and every year after, the best year.

I feel a need to share my story with whoever will listen. The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) says

I am making this blog my outlet for following that command.

I hope you will join me in Seeking Hope and watch me live up to my name!