I’ve been a little absent in the blogging world lately. My last post was in July. No apologies. I’ve been a little busy with two little ones and just living life. I’ve also been struggling with where I want this blog to go. When I started blogging I did it for me. It was very healing to get my story out and speak my truth through baby loss and infertility. I had no intention that it would help someone else. Then I started hearing from people who were reading my words and sharing my words. These words and this story of mine were helping others. Sharing the simple truths of what I was living was influencing others.
But as the years have passed, every second is no longer filled with grief. The deep hurt is healing and I don’t dwell on it near as often as I once did. I have overcome infertility with two beautiful babies and my days are filled with bottles and diapers and playing peek-a-boo and making up silly songs. So what do I write about now? Who are my intended readers? What is my message? Who will want to read it? In the past few months I’ve wanted to write, but I’ve had so many questions and very little answers.
Then I remembered one of the sessions I took part in during She Speaks last summer. The session was titled Discovering God’s Power for Your Life and Ministry. It was on Saturday afternoon toward the end of the conference and scheduled to last three hours. As I looked at the session outline and thought about how tired I was, I almost walked out. The first part was about the empowered servant and the second part was about the Armor of God. I didn’t know what the empowered servant was and I had already heard Whitney Capps do a bang up job speaking on the Armor of God. Then when the speakers started and said they were going to anoint us all with oil at the end, I really about ran for the hills. (I grew up in the baptist church and now attend a presbyterian church, so we don’t include much anointing in our worship.) Something caused me to stay and I’m so glad I did!
As Wendy Blight started sharing about her rape, the Holy Spirit nudged me to pay attention. When she shared about the first time she was able to let that date not have a hold on her, the Holy Spirit nudged me to pay attention. And when they started the anointing, the Holy Spirit nudged me to write. I quickly turned to one of the blank pages in my conference book and the words just poured out of me as tears streamed down my face. When it was my turn (I was sitting toward the back, so it took a while), I went to the front of the room and was anointed with oil. It was the most powerful experience of the entire weekend.
As I sat down to write this post I revisited that writing the Holy Spirit led me to do that day. The answers to all of those questions has been sitting in my She Speaks bag this whole time. I’m going to share half of them now and save the rest for another post. Here’s some of what I was lead to write:
Losing my babies and my struggles to get pregnant happened to me, but those things are not me. They are part of my story, but they do not define me. I am so much more than baby loss, infertility and anxiety. Yes, I want to help women who have lost babies. Yes, I want to help women who struggle with infertility. Yes, I want to help women who live under the captivity of anxiety. But most importantly, I want to help PEOPLE find the HOPE in CHRIST that got me through all of those things.
There’s my purpose. There’s my direction. There’s my audience.
So where is this blog going? I’ve kept the name Seeking Hope because I am still and will always be seeking hope (and I simply like it). I’ve added the tagline Fearlessly Living God’s Best Plan because that is what I am doing, every single day; and that is what I want to help others do too. I’m going to write about motherhood, faith and healthy living. I’ll still write about grief and infertility at times because those things will always be a part of my story. That’s just not going to be my primary focus anymore, and I’m okay with that.
I hope you will join me as I continue to seek hope. You can find me here and on Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest (or all three). Click the icons on the right for that.
Until next time, keep hoping!